Why do birds suddenly appear
Every time you are near?
Just like me, they long to be
Close to you.
Why do stars fall down from the sky
Every time you walk by?
Just like me, they long to be
Close to you.
On the day that you were born
The angels got together
And decided to create a dream come true
So they sprinkled moon dust in your hair of gold
And starlight in your eyes of blue.
- The Carpenters
u noe,i feel totally lost now..i dun noe wat to do..i always tot he'll be the one who understands me the most.. bt then come to think of it..he actually dont. cos i, myself dun undertand myself..so how are the rest able to understand me?bt if u think u understand the ESTHER TAN whom u noe. then let me tell u.. u are so wrong.. they are jus illusions tt i made up to mislead u ppl.. to mislead the impression u ppl hv of me.. i think im such a fake person. fake till i dun even noe how far i'll go..
while muggin halfway. grandma suddenly mumbled to herself. mayb not mumble..bt it was loud enough for me to hear clearly wat she saes. it was about my dad.
wat the hell?who do u think u are?jus bcos u're my freakin dad..doesnt mean u hv the rights to take a loan out of my insurance money.. those are not even paid by you..so wat rights do u hv to take thousands out of it? freak you. those are aunt's hard earned money.
close frends of mine shud noe i come frm a single parent family.i didnt even hv the chance to take a real good look at my mum..i mean my real mother. i guess the 1st tm was like 2 weeks ago. i happened to chance upon her old passport. cos at tt tm aunt misplaced my passport and she had to ransacked her drawers. i took a good look at ther passport.she's freakin young.18 years my senior.. i tot nothing of it.. bt when i heard the newsfrm grandma jus now. i had the urged to shout at both of them.
freak you two for givin birth me.. wouldnt it b a betta solution if u 2 were to abort me right frm the beginnin and divorced right after given birth to roy? so wats the deal?! family doesnt even exist in ur minds.. freakin young and u did wat u shudnt..opps,im sorry ..i think u guys lacked of sex education in the past.. why did u guys hv to bring me to earth and then make me suffer.. and make me carry the burden of being a single-parent kid?do u noe how much it hurts when ppl given me tt kind of look when i tell them.."erm,i come frm a single-parent family. i leave with my dad" which after tt they'll start apologizin profusely jus to make up for the wrong words they said earlier..why?why did u guys hv to make me suffer? for 17yrs. i always pretend tt i didnt mind the fact tt i did not hv a mother..cos i had "3 other mothers".and i am so much more fortunate than others. bt can anymone actually undestand wat im gonin thru all these while? u ppl overestimated me.. i was nv the cheerful girl u always see ard. if u do not hv the ability to maintain a family..then wat for u still wanna hv one? i dont care if im gonna get struck by a lightning for sayin these words.. cos im totally disgusted by u 2. and im not even gonna bother to look after u when i grow up. i dun wan to keep hvin to provide u the funds to smoke the shit out of u and to let u gamble. if tt is wat u're gonna do with the money i give u in future, dont dun even bother thinkin of gettin a single cent frm me.
bcos of you..i've been labelled as "one of the rubbish" in the family.. i do not want to live my life with the name of THE USELESS ONE.. im sick and tired of hearin grandma sae.. "u 3 are bloodsuckers." altho these arent really wat she meant..bt read between the words.the meanins are still ther.. why cant i be like others?to b able to hv a happy family consistin of a father and a mother.?why? i hate myself for hvin to b born..if ther was another chance..i rather not be in this world..so i do not hv to go thru all these shit.. i jus dont feel the love i need to.
to my anata: these were wat i wanna tell u.. bt u're tired spendin the whole dae out..its okaes, i wont bother u about such trivial matters anymore. i wont bother anyone at all.
im livin in a world of my own, wher nobody will ever understand wat im goin thru.. all these shit makes me think twice about wantin to fall in love and gettin married. cos the adults are obviously tryin to tell me this is all a game..
leave me alone`
let your heart out.
archivesY
January 2005February 2005March 2005April 2005May 2005June 2005July 2005August 2005September 2005October 2005November 2005December 2005January 2006March 2006April 2006May 2006June 2006July 2006August 2006September 2006October 2006November 2006December 2006January 2007February 2007March 2007April 2007May 2007June 2007July 2007